The Elephant

Explained

“The elephant in the room is a metaphorical idiom in English for an important or enormous topic, problem, or risk that is obvious and that everyone knows about but no one mentions or wants to discuss because it makes at least some of them uncomfortable or is personally, socially, or politically embarrassing, controversial, inflammatory, or dangerous.”

Through this blog I will take you on my personal journey of coming face to face with my own elephants, from my mental health, to my marriage break down, to becoming a divorcee, to dating, to insane jealousy and guilt trying to ruin my life. To eventually learning to live alongside my various elephants harmoniously.

So join me on my journey as I discuss my own misfortunes and my own blessings in disguise. I hope you can take something away from my story, even if it is just a few laughs along the way.

K xx

with love

from my brain

Starting at the end

I thought the elephant was my mental health – I was paranoid, desperate, needy. However late on our last night in Vegas, after too much alcohol, alone in a cheap (but extortionately expensive) dark Vegas hotel room, 6000 miles from home, sitting on the floor, with my husband passed out in bed I found out the elephant was actually another woman.

36 hours of hell

So after the initial blood bath at 6am in the morning, we kind of just carried on as normal, we got breakfast, packed our cases, tried where humanly possible to not be in the same room as each other, and tried to make small talk – how many times can 2 people say “I can’t believe it snowed in Vegas”. Eventually we both gave up and slipped into a painful silence, which ensued for the next few days, weeks and months – I was exhausted.

My first little elephant

If you have ever experienced issues with your mental health I am sure you can relate to the fact that it feels like you are fighting a battle. They are ferocious, bloody, hot and intense, with no sign of stopping. You are exhausted but despite this you continue to fight.

What is white privilege?

I was taught a few years ago that to change the world you firstly have to focus on your little corner of the world, if you can change that into a positive area it will eventually spill out into the rest of the world.

Be kind to yourself

Now imagine these statements being shouted constantly for hours at a time – that’s what my inner voice was like for a solid month when I was trying to navigate my way out of my breakdown.

Facing the inevitable

We could not move on, or split up until these questions were answered. He agreed and that night I set out writing my list, of almost 50 questions, the answers to two of these questions forced both of our hands and finally forced us to face the inevitable.

The End…

So finally, after starting this blog 2 months ago and after a year and 6 months since my world ended, I am finally here, writing the last page of this particular story in my life.

Acceptance and moving on

I think that losing a relationship is a lot like grief. That person who was once a huge, constant part of your life is no longer there, gone, usually very suddenly and sometimes without warning. You know you won’t see them again, you know their journey in your life is over.

My Elephant in the Room 2021. All Rights Reserved.